p - piano (soft) - the neighbours have complained
f - forte (loud) - the neighbours are out
Crescendo - getting louder - testing the neighbours tollerance level
ff - fortissimo - to hell with the neighbours
pp - pianissimo - the neighbours are at the door
Dim - thick
Obbligato - being forced to practice
Rit (and/or) Rall - coming up to the bit you haven't practiced
Con moto - I have a car
Allegro - a little motor car
Maestro - a bigger motor car
Metronome - person small enough to fit comfortably into a Mini
Lento - the days leading up to Easto (with eggo and choco and things)
Largo - brewed in Germany (hence "Handel's Largo reaches parts other beers cannot reach")
Piu Animato - if you don't clean that rabbit out it will have to go
Interval - time to meet the players in the bar
Perfect Interval - when drinks are on the house
Cantabile - singing (that is, viz. drunk)
Con spirito - drunk again
Cantata - a fizzy drink
Tutti - ice cream
Coda - served with chipsa
Codetta - child's portion
Chords - things that organists play with one finger
Dischords - things that organists play with two fingers
Suspended chord - for lynching the soloist
Rubato - ointment for the musician's back
Subdominant - "I can't play until I've asked the wife"
Tonic - a pick-me-up
Syncopation - bowel condition brought on by an overdose of Jazz
Crotchet - knitting
Quaver - the feeling you get before a lesson when you haven't practiced
Key signatures - silly things put there to frighten you (ignore them - they will go away and so will your audience)
Time signatures - things for drummers to ignore
Colla voce - this shirt is so tight I can't talk
Professional - anyone who can't hold down a steady job
Flats - English apartments
A tempo - in time
A tempo de cafe - Ah, coffee time!
Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down
Fugue - clever stuff
Prelude - warm-up session before the clever stuff
Acciaccatura/appoggiatura - insects
Opus - exclamation made when Moggy has done a "whoopsie" on the carpet
Scales - fishy things
Trill - bird food
Virtuoso - someone who can work wonders with easy-play music
Antiphonal - crossed lines
Melody - an ancient and now extinct art in songwriting
Music - Happiness
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(Foto: Oscar W.)
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